


the one who knows

by sunbean72



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, They all won against Thanos I'm not even addressing that, post avengers: endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-09 05:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17401253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunbean72/pseuds/sunbean72
Summary: Tony thought his worst fears were behind him, until his beautiful, perfect daughter was born with a broken heart





	the one who knows

**Author's Note:**

> You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.  
> So when they ask how far love goes  
> When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.  
> -Dar Williams, The One Who Knows

"Careful," the nurse said quietly, eyeing the IV tubing as she transferred the baby from her arms to Tony Stark's. 

"Am I going to hurt her?" He froze, his voice several octaves beyond _anxious_ and creeping up on _panicked._ "Maybe it's not a good idea yet, maybe I should wait until tomorrow when she's stronger--"

"Mr. Stark," the nurse replied gently, "the thing she needs the very most to get stronger is _you._ Now, I've got you. I won't let anything hurt her. Hold out your hands."

"Like this?" He had to be doing this all wrong, everything was so terrifying and awkward. But the nurse just smiled and nodded her encouragement and in a moment, Anthony Edward Stark was holding his breath, and his little tiny girl. A moment, just days ago, he wasn't sure he would ever have.

The one thing that all his long life experience had _not_ taught him, gentleness. Always with boldness, with strength. Power was not unknown to him, certainly. He did things with decisiveness. With kindness, if able, with tenderness, when needed, but gentle was never a word in all the ones that described Iron Man. But this was the most gentle thing that he'd ever encountered, delicate as gossamer, finer than a bee's wing, yet at hours old, she'd already faced down death, fighting it with nothing more than the strength of her being and her fragile, vulnerable, beating but utterly broken heart.

"Hello, Morgan," Tony said to her, his voice breaking. He was not as strong as she, perhaps, who had only cried once as she came into the world, and already he'd cried like he never had before, not when he lost Peter Parker, not when he'd lost, he thought, everything. He wanted to be strong for her, strong like her, so he took a breath. "Hello, baby girl." He glanced at the nurse for guidance and the nurse helped him sit down in the vinyl rocking chair, hideous but comfortable and smelling reassuringly of disinfectant. 

"Now what?"

"Like we talked about, against your skin."

"The arc reactor--" he fretted.

"We'll lay a blanket across that, but you want as much skin to skin contact as possible. She's so tiny, she'll fit right here on your shoulder. That's right, you see? Perfect."

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat as best he could but couldn't speak so he nodded-- _Yes, perfect._ The small weight of her tiny body against his was feather light, but the burden of his fear was like a weight of all the world and universe. He'd _fought_ to save the universe before, he knew what it was like, knew what high stakes were, but none of that had prepared him for this-- this one, tiny, fragile and infinitely precious life. 

The nurse made sure that they were settled for a few minutes then drew a curtain, giving them some time alone. Just the two of them. Tony let out a shaky breath.

He resisted the urge to check his phone to look in on Pepper; he knew she was sleeping, finally, and FRIDAY had promised to alert him if she woke up or needed anything. He blinked away the image burned into his mind of the surgeon, skilled and sure, cutting into her and blood flowing down her hips from the incision, the social worker explaining the _crash c-section_ that was their best chance of saving the infant's life, the violence of the life-saving procedure, the harshness, no gentleness to be found, and out came Morgan while and small and not breathing and then a cry--

The strain of worrying about Pepper and Morgan made him feel stretched too far, as if his skin didn't fit correctly, too small, as if his anxiety were a thing with claws that scratched on the inside of his rib cage. He shuddered, trying to stave off a panic attack.

The tiny infant had adjusted to the warmth of his body. He felt her fluttering movement against him and he glanced down into her tiny face. To his surprise, two beautiful eyes peered up at him. Every other time he'd seen her, her little eyes had been tightly shut, either closed against the abrasively bright light, or crying, or sleeping. In the dim quiet of the NICU, she had braved the possible discomfort, and opened her eyes. Tony's heart broke with the immense love he felt, like his heart couldn't possibly contain it all. She was the most beautiful and precious thing he'd ever seen.

"Hey there," he told her utterly captivated. "Hello, little stranger." Her small head boasted a thick thatch of dark hair, nearly black like his mother's before she started dyeing it blonde. Her eyes though. Baby blue, that would change, he'd read about it, but he could see a hint of blue and he thought she would have her mother's blue eyes. His heart contracted painfully, the emotional whiplash of overwhelming love and protection juxtaposed with a terrible fear that she would be taken from him.

When the medical team had rushed her away, giving Tony and Pepper only a hurried glimpse of her little face before taking her to the unit to help her get stabilized, Tony had gone uncharacteristically silent, holding Pepper's hands in his while the sewed her up. Pepper had asked questions, had cried, her tears trailing down into her ears, the hair by her temple, until Tony extricated one of his hands and wiped them away with care and tenderness. He had thought then of the horrors he'd faced and lived through, had thought there was nothing anymore that could scare or daunt him, thought he couldn't love Pepper more, thought he was strong enough to bare anything after what he'd been through. He couldn't say if the actual situation was more catastrophic or the dreadful realization of how wrong he'd been, and now he found himself in deep water, far from shore.

It was too late. He already loved the tiny life in his arms more than he had words to describe. He hadn't anticipated the danger. It was too late. 

He didn't know how to survive if anything happened to her.

The surgeon was gentle with them. The nurses, too, gentle, as if _he_ were the vulnerable one, but he'd survived a moon being thrown at him and more, why were they treading so carefully? Something they saw in his eyes, a fragility that evoked their concern. They explained it all to him and he understood them perfectly, he knew a lot about cardiac functions from his own injuries ever since Afghanistan, a lifetime ago. He understood. Comprehending was a different matter. The doctor had explained the surgery that would fix her tiny, broken heart, make it strong, make it safe. He told him the best case scenario was that little Morgan would have a complete and full recovery-- they'd never even know she had a problem. He'd talked about possible problems but assured Tony and Pepper that such complications were rare and often very treatable, but there was always a chance, always a chance something could go very wrong.

Always a chance. He watched the baby's face for a long time, rocked her slowly, allowing her to hear the rhythm of his heartbeat, feel the gentle swaying motion. He prayed for time to slow and still, he should call Strange, borrow the time stone for old time's sake, because he wasn't going to be able to let her go when they came to take her away. Her bright-eyed curiosity gave way to the dull look of drowsiness, then she fell asleep. The nurses told him it was normal for a baby with heart problems to be extra sleepy, which was one reason why they helped feed her with a little tube. They had taken the tube out around midnight though; her IV would give her fluids and she couldn't eat now before the surgery in the morning. He watched her fall asleep. He took her tiny hand on his finger.

"Mr. Stark? Do you wish to see your visitor? I can have the desk turn him away."

"Who is it?"

"Steve Rogers," she said cautiously. They were so gentle with him. Gentle in their motivations and actions. He appreciated it, found his own spirit becoming more gentle under the influence of it. 

"Okay, that's fine."

Steve came quietly, the nurse pulling back the curtain to pull up a chair across from Tony, then closing it. Steve took in Tony's appearance for clues to his state-- his button shirt was undone to let Morgan rest against his skin. Through a small burp cloth the light of the arc reactor, its undying light a heatless fire, shone through. He looked tired but relaxed, his baby daughter's tiny hand closed around his finger.

Steve took in the baby-- she was beautiful. He was already itching for a sketchbook to capture the moment of Iron Man, Tony Stark Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist, husband, now father, cradling the most precious of all his treasures. "Hey Tony," Steve said smiling. It really was nice. 

"Hey Steve, when did you get to town?" 

"Coulson called me and I came as soon as I could. Wanted all hands on deck for anything you might need."

"Of course he did!" Tony allowed a smirk of a smile. After Thanos destroyed half the world in the snap, including Fury and Maria Hill, Tony had learned that Coulson had survived all those years ago, if surviving was what you'd call it. After Coulson explained everything he'd gone through since he'd gone to ground, Tony wasn't sure it could really qualify. Since defeating Thanos, Coulson had stayed in close contact with the Stark family. Tony had to give him a hard time for sitting on Pepper's side during the wedding, but the two of them shared a deep friendship and kinship over a shared affection for Pepper. "Once a snitch always a snitch."

"Well, he was worried." Steve eased back in his chair. "She's beautiful Tony. Takes after you, but I can see a bit of Pepper."

"Thanks."

"What'd the doctors say? How's Pepper?"

"She's aces. Dr. Cho came yesterday and she used the cradle to help her out. She's been amazing, just tired. It was hard to see her," he added with a catch in his voice, as if he were suddenly out of breath. "But she's good."

"C-section?"

"Yeah."

"That was me when I was born. My mom said my heart kept slowing down with each contraction, so out I came, early too. Spent a long time in the hospital." He straightened and felt around in his pockets. He produced a package and handed it to Tony.

"I brought something for you. It's not much." 

"Maybe Pepper should--"

"You can share it with Pepper. But, uh--" Steve's ears got a little red. "But it's for you."

Tony carefully shifted so he could use both hands to unwrap the gift. It was a sketch of a family-- his family. Howard, Maria, Jarvis and Anna, Peggy Carter, Happy, Rhodey, Pepper and him, all happy, all surrounding a baby that Tony was holding. Tony stared at it several minutes, taking in the details. It was fantastically well done; almost photo-realistic, it must have taken Steve hours. It was beautiful. He'd never seen anything like it.

"Wow. Steve-- wow."

"Like I said it's not much," Steve said regretfully.

"Don't say that, it's... Steve, I don't have words."

"You like it?"

"Yeah." He had to swallow a few times to finish his reply. Everything he'd lost and won was in that sketch. "I do."

"Good. I feel so helpless, Tony. It's not right, after everything you've been through, and I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Just watch my back, Captain." Tony had never felt so vulnerable, and that was saying something. 

Steve nodded with a soft, slow blink, taking the request for what it was-- a reiteration of his trust, hard-won, and a confession of the fear he had. "I will, Tony."

"Am I interrupting?" Steve and Tony looked up as Peter Parker spoke, his hand on the parter curtain while holding a cup of coffee and a styrofoam container. 

"Pete, hey kid! What are you doing here?" Tony said, smiling up at the teenager.

"I figured you hadn't eaten yet, Mr. Stark, no offense but you are terrible about that. I just wanted to drop by some sustenance. Just a sandwich Mr. Stark, you can eat it later when you're done holding her. Oh wow!! She's like... like incredibly cute or something. Like that is a ridiculously cute baby, Mr. Stark, can I take a picture?" Tony then noticed the camera around Peter's neck.

"So the photography job worked out?"

"Mr. Jameson said trial basis," Peter shrugged. "But this isn't for the papers, Mr. Stark, I didn't even tell Mr. Jameson I knew you, you know what I mean? Hello Mr. Captain, sir!"

"Hey Queens," Steve said with a grin. "Tony I'm gonna go say hi to Pepper. If you don't mind, I think I'll just... I think I'll just stay around a while, in case you guys need anything. Surgery's in the morning right?"

"Yeah."

"Would it be okay if some of the team comes around to wait with you?"

To his utter embarrassment, Tony's eyes filled with tears. He gave a quick nod. "Sure," he said, his voice thick. "Yep, that'd be fine." 

Steve gave a tight smile before moving past Peter, giving him a quick "secret handshake" they had made up during training at Peter's insistence. Peter grinned as he took Steve's vacated seat but quickly became serious. "Can I ask what the doctors are saying, Mr. Stark?"

"They said we have a good chance Peter," Tony told him, gently tightening his hold on his baby daughter. "That's all we can ask."

...

May Parker held Pepper's hand and talked with her quietly, eliciting a smile from the pale but otherwise healthy-appearing redhead. Bruce was silent but sat close to Tony, almost touching, a reassuring and solid presence. Thor was taking up way too much space as usual, but the boisterous god was otherwise subdued, checking the clock every few minutes and pacing at intervals. Natasha had brought food and was chatting quietly with Clint. Maria Hill was talking to one of the nurses, trying to coax an update from her, while Nick, barely recognizable dressed in normal clothes, kept a weather eye on the comings and goings in the waiting room. Peter was attempting to study in the corner but was doing more pencil tapping that writing, earning him a scowl from Happy while Rhodey nudged him occasionally to try and help him concentrate. Wanda, Vision, and Carol Danvers had been here earlier but had left to take care of Avengers duties so the rest of them could stay, giving Tony and Pepper big hugs before they left.

Tony leaned back in his chair, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans. The moment the nurse had taken Morgan away had been one of the most agonizing of his life-- wondering if something went wrong, if that was the last moment he'd see her alive, hold her, if he had done absolutely everything he could to help her and protect her, it was far too late for second opinions, second-guessing, seconds passing, seconds slipping-- 

Steve pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts with a soft nudge on his shoulder. He of all the people had noticed Tony's growing fear and despair; he was familiar enough with it. HIs eyes were gentle, intent, watching to see what Tony needed. Long gone were the days when Steve's eyes were filled with coldness, anger, disgust with Tony. It had taken them some time to get there, but the two men were friends, were brothers, were _there for each other,_ which was all Tony had ever wanted and the hardest thing he could have asked of him and of himself but these things have a way of working themselves out. 

The hours slipped by as the complicated, delicate surgery wore on. The once and future Avengers waited, for once, spectators to a fierce battle they couldn't participate in. Morgan Stark was in a fight for her life, aided by the most skilled and caring doctors available, but it was her that had to battle and win. 

Finally the surgeon came through the doors, immediately walking toward Pepper and Tony as the others crowded around them. He shook their hands soberly, gently squeezing Pepper's hands. "The surgery went very well, Mr. and Mrs. Stark. Morgan is in the recovery room and when she's a bit more stable, we'll transfer her to the newborn ICU. She'll need some TLC, but it went better than I could have hoped for and I'm very confident she'll make a full recovery." Tony took Pepper in his arms, holding her tightly in gratitude as the others cheered and congratulated them before he shook the doctor's hand again.

"Thanks, doc. We don't know how to thank you."

"It was my pleasure, Mr. Stark. You and Mrs. Stark have certainly earned the gratitude of all of us! We're thankful that there was something we could do for your little daughter. And it's not over yet," he promised. "She's got a long road to healing. But we'll get her there, Mr. Stark, we'll get her there."

Tony and the others again expressed their happiness and gratitude to the surgeon. As members of his team, his family, embraced and high-fived and shook hands in relief and happiness, Tony felt something he hadn't felt for a while. It was peace. After all these years, it felt like he was finally, finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> first, idk why i even wrote this, but i hope you enjoyed, second I know some people will object to Howard being in the picture, but we're going off of IM2 Howard that has some potential as a good dad and CACW where Tony tells him he loves him and he knows he did the best he could. In this fic Tony found peace and even some measure of love and meaning from his relationship with Howard, a lot of moments from his childhood that, upon reflection, Tony recognized as Howard's attempts at bonding, affection, and love so yeah


End file.
